Jokes

Originally posted by @phil3000
Did you hear about the Irish window fitter ?
He fitted ten planes of glass and then he realised he had a cracked lens in his spectacles .

Did you hear about the Belgian terrorist who decided to blow up a car? Burnt his mouth on the exhaust.

Originally posted by @shallow-blue
Did you hear about the Belgian terrorist who decided to blow up a car? Burnt his mouth on the exhaust.

Did you hear about the lion in the circus that ate the clown ?
Another lion asked him " how did the clown taste " ?
The lion replied " not sure really ,but my stomach feels a bit funny "

NO MORE CHEDDER CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Make America grate again.

Originally posted by @whodey
NO MORE CHEDDER CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Make America grate again.

Did you hear about the clown that got the sack from the circus ?
He has taken them to a tribunal for " funfair dismissal "...

what's the most common type of owl?

A teatowl

Why did the old man fall into the well??



He couldn't see that well.


Ba Dumb Tssss

Originally posted by @bongallojoe
Why did the old man fall into the well??



He couldn't see that well.


Ba Dumb Tssss

How highs a China man ?

Did you know 10 out of 2 people are dyslexic?

I see Quasimodo has just retired ....he got £40,000 back pay and a lump sum .

Husband asks his wife:"what would you do if I won the Lotto?"
Wife:" I'll take half of it, leave you immediately and go back to my mother!"
Husband:" Good, just what I wanted to hear! I won thirty dollars, here's your half, and greetings to your mother!"

Definition of calories: it's the little buggers creeping into your cupboards at night, altering your clothes to smaller sizes! 😀🙄

What's the (correlation?) between the words bra and bar?
Both have the same letters, are drinking places, have limited open times, and when they're open, men go mad! 😵

Originally posted by @pawnpaw
What's the (correlation?) between the words bra and bar?
Both have the same letters, are drinking places, have limited open times, and when they're open, men go mad! 😵

I was in the pub with my missus .
I said too her " you have too stop drinking ,you have had too much "
She asked me how I knew ?
I told her .." your face has gone all blurry "

Originally posted by @pawnpaw
Husband asks his wife:"what would you do if I won the Lotto?"
Wife:" I'll take half of it, leave you immediately and go back to my mother!"
Husband:" Good, just what I wanted to hear! I won thirty dollars, here's your half, and greetings to your mother!"

Man says to his wife " get your coat on love "
" great " she said " where are we going "? she asked
" well, I am going too the pub and turning the heating off ,your staying in "

Originally posted by @phil3000
Man says to his wife " get your coat on love "
" great " she said " where are we going "? she asked
" well, I am going too the pub and turning the heating off ,your staying in "

A doctor visited a mental home ,the first patient he saw was pretending to drive a car ,".brrrum "....." brrrum " ...".brrrum"... he said as he turned an imaginary steering wheel .
" What are you doing? " asked the doctor .....
The man replied ....." I am driving my Rolls Royce around the streets of London "
" but you do not have a car " the doctor told the man
Then ,..the man in the next bed said to the Doctor .." I wish you hadn't told him that " ...".Why ?" asked the doctor
The man replied .." because I was getting £10 a week for cleaning it "