Introverts

I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if you don't wear your faith on your sleeve, and let the world know how you feel, LOUDLY, then your faith is in question.

Today's evangelical leaders feature loud, extroverted folks in perfectly tailored clothes prancing back and forth gripping a big bible, shaking their lone fist in the air, proclaiming their version of Christian ideals with booming fire and brimstone sermons, while legions of awestruck followers look on, mouths open, and dreamy far away looks in their eyes.

The concept of a lone Christian preferring to do their scriptural study in a quiet setting, with time for solitary contemplation, and room for deeper questioning of the lessons, while not openly discouraged, is certainly not the image most churches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

When I was a Christian I was constantly taught that Christ is coming back soon and we're on earth to work for His sake, his message, his glory. You didn't need to be a "loud" fire and brimstone preacher but a silent Christian was an ineffective one.

It was popular in the churches I attended to point out how the early church suffered and Paul wrote that this is unavoidable when battling Satan. If Christ suffered for us, who are we to stay silent?

But that's more of a biblical purist perspective. Christianity now is more a cultural thing for most practitioners rather than an ultimate calling.

With a few exceptions, most Christians aren't out there putting their lives on the line for their beliefs. It's not really about changing the world for the better; it's more about personal empowerment, like taking yoga classes.

This being the case, there's less reason for the extroverted style in contemporary western Christianity. Most Christians are such either because that's the culture they grew up in or they like the way it makes them feel. Why then should they make themselves uncomfortable for a style of Christianity that's mostly for show or to make money?

@mchill said
Today's evangelical leaders feature loud, extroverted folks in perfectly tailored clothes prancing back and forth gripping a big bible, shaking their lone fist in the air, proclaiming their version of Christian ideals with booming fire and brimstone sermons, while legions of awestruck followers look on, mouths open, and dreamy far away looks in their eyes.

It's a category of showbusiness.

@mchill said
I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if ...[text shortened]... urches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
Therefore when thou doest [thine] alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
-- Matthew 6:1-6, KJV

Moreover when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face;
That thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly.
--Matthew 6:16-18, KJV

The message is clear -- one should be serious about faith; alms, prayer and fasting are best done in private, and not done to impress others.

If one's church does not satisfy their spiritual needs, one should look elsewhere.

Following Jesus does not mean to follow men. "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life:" -- John 14:6, KJV

@mchill said
I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if ...[text shortened]... urches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

Not sure why being an introvert makes one vulnerable to the experiences you are sharing. According to various type profiles I’ve undertaken I’m an extreme extrovert and yet I feel/felt exactly the same as you during my years inside organised Christianity. I’ll never go back, I have no remaining friends or even acquaintances from that period and I have no desire to seek them out. Most of the time I felt manipulated even coerced into thinking and being one of the crowd. Deciding to leave was a pivotal point in my life although I have no regrets as the period and experiences have provided me with an invaluable perspective into the social/psychological mindset of evangelical church leadership and follower-ship.

@mchill said
I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if ...[text shortened]... urches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

My oldest daughter at home is an introvert, and our pastor is too, and they both work on connecting with people, for each of them, it's a struggle. I would say I have introverted tendencies in real life as well, I'd much prefer to have deeper conversations with a few people I know and trust, than put myself out there with strangers and have small talk.

I can tell you that your experience isn't the norm in a lot of places, our church encourages small-group studies. The main reasonings are due to this it is good to study with fellow believers (iron sharpens iron) and in that setting it's easier to develop relationships with others we might not have ever gotten to know, thereby enriching ourselves as we do life together, and realizing we are not alone in many of our struggles.

We are wired differently than the outgoing extroverts, I have friends who are extroverts who immediately get to know strangers and in a short time develop relationships with them. I admire that because life should be lived in fellowship, not as individuals which I'd do if left up to how I feel when it's time to go to events with lots of people, a nice quiet night at home is the default.

@kellyjay said
My oldest daughter at home is an introvert, and our pastor is too, and they both work on connecting with people, for each of them, it's a struggle. I would say I have introverted tendencies in real life as well, I'd much prefer to have deeper conversations with a few people I know and trust, than put myself out there with strangers and have small talk.

I can tell you tha ...[text shortened]... feel when it's time to go to events with lots of people, a nice quiet night at home is the default.

Nothing wrong with a nice quiet night at home. I'm suspicious of large gatherings of people as well; as I see it, all you need in life is a good woman (speaking as a heterosexual male) and a few good friends, the rest is just a long queue at the hotdog stand.

@mchill said
I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if ...[text shortened]... urches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

I cannot seem to find one passage where Jesus advises people to go to church. I can find many where the synagogues and their leaders were condemned. Many modern churches will come in for the same condemnation when Jesus returns.

If you are a Christian your prime concern should be keeping the commandments. It is nice to meet up with people who have similar Christian views but that is not required.

@indonesia-phil said
Nothing wrong with a nice quiet night at home. I'm suspicious of large gatherings of people as well; as I see it, all you need in life is a good woman (speaking as a heterosexual male) and a few good friends, the rest is just a long queue at the hotdog stand.

I didn't say anything is wrong with it, it is my default choice. As far as the hotdog stand goes, I like mine burned! 🙂

@kellyjay said

I can tell you that your experience isn't the norm in a lot of places

How can you possibly state this; have you personally attended a sufficient number of churches to be able to do so?

@mchill said
I don't like church services (especially big ones) though I've been to quite a few, I don't like being coerced into shaking hands and saying hello to nearby strangers and dislike small talk, preferring instead spend time with a small group of bible study classmates that I'm familiar with. There is a (not so) subtle implication among today's many Christian denominations that if ...[text shortened]... urches portray to the public.

Is there really room for Christian introverts in today's churches?

Try the Quakers. Might suit you better than the heirs of Billy Graham's televised spectacles.

I’m not a big fan of main stream churches but a few months ago we went to visit Shrewsbury Cathedral (wife likes them). As it turned out out we were a bit too early and went in to the last fifteen minutes of the service (Catholic Cathedral ) and was struck by how people greeted each other standing in an adjacent seat, and liked the way that he priest said farewell to everyone at the door.

@medullah said
I’m not a big fan of main stream churches but a few months ago we went to visit Shrewsbury Cathedral (wife likes them). As it turned out out we were a bit too early and went in to the last fifteen minutes of the service (Catholic Cathedral ) and was struck by how people greeted each other standing in an adjacent seat, and liked the way that he priest said farewell to everyone at the door.

I had a similar experience at a business conference last week.

@divegeester
Sounds like the same company ?

@divegeester

You actually made a very fair point - very reminiscent of the Mega churches on the east cost of America which are built on business as opposed to spiritual foundations.