Jokes

Clarence and Boudreax lived across the bayou from each other for many years. Neither liked the other. Boudreaux swore to one day cross the bayou and whoop Clarence's ass.

One day the city builds a highway across the bayou. So Boudreaux's wife tells him now you can cross the bayou and whoop his ass! Boudreaux starts to cross the bridge. Moments later he is back home, and his wife says you couldn't have whooped his ass already!

Boudreaux replied that he was half way across the bridge when he saw a sign that said CLEARANCE 10' 6". Boudreaux said that Clarence never looked that big from across the bayou!

The married couple was having trouble communicating about their sexual needs. Their therapist suggested using alternate words for the difficult parts. For example: you want to bump, say let's wash the laundry.

The the husband calls home and says to wife, let's do laundry tonight. She says oh, I have a headache.

So he comes home and wife says hey I changed my mind and now I want to do laundry. He says

It was a small load, I did it by hand.

A husband and wife are gardening. While she is bent over he says: Hey honey I bet your ass is as wide as the gas grill!

Feeling the need to prove his point, he grabs a tape measure and after measuring he says sure enough! Same size!

At this point she is done gardening and goes to be. Husband curls up next to her and says How about some love-making tonight. He gets the cold shoulder.

What's wrong, baby?

You think I'm gonna fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie?

Typos my fault. Jokes from my boy. He has more.

Originally posted by apathist
A husband and wife are gardening. While she is bent over he says: Hey honey I bet your ass is as wide as the gas grill!

Feeling the need to prove his point, he grabs a tape measure and after measuring he says sure enough! Same size!

At this point she is done gardening and goes to be. Husband curls up next to her and says How about some love-making to ...[text shortened]...

What's wrong, baby?

You think I'm gonna fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie?

Bobs wife approached her husband and said " Bob ,I want a boob job ,I want to make them fatter, more rounded and eye catching . Its about £ 6000 "
Bob replied ...." look love ,get some toilet paper and rub it around your boobs "
" what ! ..and that's supposed to make my boobs look bigger " she retorted
" well ,it worked for your big fat backside " Bob replied

The guys started talking about the Rosetta Stone.

One guy pops up, I knew Rosetta and boy did she get stoned!

Originally posted by sonhouse
The guys started talking about the Rosetta Stone.

One guy pops up, I knew Rosetta and boy did she get stoned!

My mate suffered from severe paranoia ,he stopped playing rugby because every time the opposing team had a scrum he thought they were talking about him ......
Do's that rugby team the " Wasps " have a B team ?

Originally posted by phil3000
My mate suffered from severe paranoia ,he stopped playing rugby because every time the opposing team had a scrum he thought they were talking about him ......
Do's that rugby team the " Wasps " have a B team ?

Your jokes are lame but at least you keep the thread going!
😀

Originally posted by wolfgang59
Your jokes are lame but at least you keep the thread going!
😀

Anybody that says money can't but happiness has never been divorced .

Q: If marriage is grand what is divorce?


A: Ten grand!

I don't trust anything that can bleed for five days and not die ... period!

While golfing, John accidentally overturned his electric golf cart.

A very attractive lady, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay thanks," he replied as he pulled himself out from under the golf cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later." John took notice of her silky bathrobe, partially open, revealing a very nice figure.

"That's mighty nice of you," the gentleman answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now, " she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive.

He was tempted and replied: "Well okay," and went to her place.

After a couple of martinis, John thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall open. "Stay a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Still under the golf cart, I suppose."

I am learning how to fight. Yes folks, I'm boxing outside the think.

Q: Does a match box? A: No, but a tin can!

Sunday-afternoon hiker to mountaineer: "Say, that's a deep ravine. Do people fall in there often?"

Mountaineer: "No. They only fall in once."